Sherlock: Truth or Dare
by Autumnstar17
Summary: What will happen when you've got the entire cast of Sherlock locked in a room with a questionably sane director and an infinite number of truths and dares? Well, there's only one way to find out. (Audience participation encouraged!)
1. Episode 1

EMILY: Hello hello and welcome to Sherlock: Truth or Dare! I'm Emily, your one and only host/author of bad fan fiction/evil empress, and this is my lovely assistant and/or personal bodyguard, Julia! (Not to be confused with my sister who happens to share the same name.)

Julia gives a little wave and beams obnoxiously at the camera.

EMILY: Now, let's give a warm welcome to the brave souls who may or may not have been given any choice whatsoever in the matter of participating in the game show!

Emily and Julia applaud. A stereotypical red curtain is pulled aside to reveal the dominant cast of BBC's Sherlock standing around in a large mass, scratching their heads and generally looking confused.

LESTRADE: Now hold up! What are you lot all doing here? Hell, what am /I/ even doing here?!

JOHN: Sherlock, I don't think we're in London anymore D:

SHERLOCK: No, John, apparently not. However, in the minute and a half since we were magically teleported to this recording studio I have been able to deduce EXACTLY where we are and what sort of situation we've gotten ourselves into this time. But you're not going to like it.

JOHN: Oh?

SHERLOCK: ...We're currently trapped in a fan fiction written by a crazy person.

A hush falls over the crowd as they exchange horrified glances. On cue, Emily lets out a stream of maniacal laughter. Several of the cast members inch away slowly.

JULIA: *reading off index cards* For those of you who don't know how this works, to participate in Sherlock: Truth or Dare, simply send in a review with as many truths/dares that you would like and if your submission is accepted, our beloved Sherlock characters will have no choice but respond honestly and do whatever is asked of them~!

MYCROFT: Excuse me, child, but just HOW do you intend to talk us into agreeing to this idiocy?

EMILY: Don't be silly, talking's overrated. I prefer to let TOD do all the talking for me!

The host reaches into her Magic Mary Poppins Bag of Doom, brandishes her preferred weapon, the infamous Taser of Doom (otherwise known as TOD), and then jabs it into Mycroft's side. He lets out a high-pitched squeal before collapsing to the floor.

MORIARTY: Whelp. This just got a lOT MORE INTERESTING :I

JULIA: Perhaps you should give them a little time to adjust before we kick things into full gear?

EMILY: Yeah, fair enough |D

BOTH: Don't forget to send in your truth or dare reviews so we can get this show on the road! Again, thanks for tuning in and we hope to see you next time on Sherlock: Truth or Dare, coming to a computer near you!1!11!

/curtaincloses

/fadetoblack

/endtheme


	2. Episode 2

The stage has been rearranged so that the entire BBC Sherlock cast is facing one another in a ring of fold-out chairs. The host is mid-conversation with John Watson.

EMILY: Look, I promise you he'll be fine-

JOHN: Fine? He's most certainly not /fine/! Just look at 'im!

John gestures to Mycroft, who's currently hovering underneath a chair, eyes wide and shivering.

EMILY: *holding TOD guiltily* …okay, so maybe I've gotten out of practice and kind of forgot how much 'overdoing it' was. .

JOHN: You single-handedly turned the British government into a sobbing mess! If that's not overdoing it, then I don't know what is! D:

JULIA: Uh, Emily?

EMILY: Not now kid, I'm in the middle of talking with Dr. Watson.

JULIA: But-

SHERLOCK: He does have a point. Just because you call yourself a 'fan' of the show gives you no right to-

EMILY: I do what I want I

JULIA: *sigh* YOUR MAJESTY THE CHOSEN ONE.

EMILY: *jerks around* You called~?

JULIA: Uh. The red dot means we're rolling, right?

Everyone turns towards the camera which is, indeed, on.

EMILY: …shit. OKAY, PLACES EVERYONE!

Having already been seated, the group waits in silence for a moment until Emily speaks again.

EMILY: Hello and welcome back to Sherlock: Truth or Dare! I'm your host, Emily, and this is-

JULIA: Hi I'm Julia! 8D *waves*

EMILY: …yes. Well. Anyway, welcome back to another episode of – nowait I said that already… Uh. Quick Julia, FETCH THE TRUTH OR DARES!

The majority of the cast shakes their heads sadly and clicks their tongues in disappointment. Julia returns with a stack of letters and envelopes and hands them to Emily.

EMILY: *flipping through the letters* Fanmail, fanmail, angry fanmail… OKAY! Here's a truth or dare.

She tosses the envelope to Julia, who reads it aloud:

**Moriarty, are you actually Irish or just using the accent for your nefarious deeds? Because I am Irish, and my surname is Moriarty, so maybe we're related! XD**

**Sherlock, how did you fake your death?**

**John, what is the most annoying habit of Sherlock's, and the most endearing?**

**Lestrade, what is the most interesting murder you have ever worked on with Sherlock?**

**And now, a simple dare to get warmed up - Sherlock must wear The Hat (he knows what hat I'm talking about!), a scarf and smoke a pipe for the rest of the show.**

**-Cit Moriarty**

Moriarty smiles deviously.

MORIARTY: Yes. And do tell your mother I said hi, dear~

SHERLOCK: Oh, does that mean it's my turn? Well, I was hoping you could stay in your seat long enough for the 'big reveal' in Season 3, but since you asked so nicely… It was quite simply, really. All I had to do was first-

A giant picture of Steven Moffat doing his best impersonation of the trollface covers the screen for a good minute or two. The sound of Sherlock's voice underneath it is entirely bleeped out.

SHERLOCK: …and that was how I faked my death.

JOHN: …asshat.

MORIARTY: Predictable, really. Does no one want to hear how I pulled mine off~?

ALL: No, not particularly.

MORIARTY: It was a quite a challenge, I assure you.

ALL: That's nice.

MORIARTY: But I-

ALL: Shut up.

MORIARTY: :C

Moriarty continues to pout as John answers his question.

JOHN: Uh, I suppose for most annoying it's probably whenever he thinks it's a good idea to test out his 'theories' on my, like back in Baskerville. Which I still haven't entirely forgiven him for. *glares* But, uhm, perhaps if I had to say one was 'endearing' I'd go with the way he plays his violin when he's thinking sometimes? I've always loved the way he plays his violin.

John blushes slightly and several people raise an eyebrow. He suddenly becomes flustered.

JOHN: Uh, L-Lestrade, I believe you had the next one!

LESTRADE: …right then. 'Most interesting,' you say? It's a hard call. Sherlock and I have rather different takes on what's 'interesting.' I suppose for me it might be what John called in his blog The Great Game. Although it was really more a string of murders, at least it kept us on our toes back at the Yard.

MORIARTY: you'rewelcome

LESTRADE: nOBODY ASKED YOU D

EMILY: Well then. Now that we've gotten those truths out of the way, time for-

SHERLOCK: No.

EMILY: Pardon?

SHERLOCK: Are you deaf or stupid? I said 'no'. Not only will I not permit you to play dress-up with me, I seriously doubt you'd be able to get your filthy hands on these exactly items in a timely fashion.

EMILY: …I'm afraid you underestimate my privileges as a self-insert.

JULIA: *rolling her eyes* Here we go again.

Emily reaches into her Magic Mary Poppins Bag of Doom and pulls forth The Hat (cue ominous kazoo fanfare) and an old-fashioned pipe. Seeing he already had to scarf part taken care of, she stomps over to Sherlock and shoves the items into his hands. Sherlock frowns and puts them on.

SHERLOCK: Curses. Foiled again.

JULIA: *reading off a folded sheet of paper* Uh, we've got time for one more today:

**Hahaha this is hilarious! **

**For Molly...how did you meet Sherlock?**

**-TotallyUtterlySherlocked**

MOLLY: Oh, I don't even remember! Several years ago I was already working at the morgue when Mr. Holmes started stopping by occasionally. At first I thought he was a friend of Lestrade's, but then again, close friends don't constantly irritate each other, do they?

She laughs. The others don't seem to find this response particularly entertaining and say nothing.

EMILY: Oh, look at my wrist. That's all for today, folks! I certainly hope you had as much fun as we did and I look forward to seeing you all again in the next episode of Sherlock: Truth or Dare!

JULIA: And don't forget to send in your truths or dares to keep us in business ^^

The curtains close and one of those annoying 'this program was brought to you by _' things comes on before the screen fades to black.


End file.
